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School of Poker » Online Gambling Jokes

Accountant and the Shepherd

An accountant was strolling along in the country when he came across a shepherd. The accountant said to the shepherd, "I'll bet you I can guess how many sheep are in your herd."

The shepherd laughed and replied, "I have lots of sheep. You will never guess how many."

"How about a bet?" proposed the accountant. "If I can guess the number of sheep you have, you will give me one of them. If I don't guess correctly, I'll pay you one hundred dollars."

To which the shepherd agreed "Okay, how many there are?"

"You've got precisely 1,355 sheep," claimed the accountant.

Shocked, the shepherd replied, "That's unbelievable! I really do have 1,355 sheep! Well, a bet is a bet. Select the sheep you'd like."

"Okay, I pick this one," the accountant said as he picked up the sheep.

"Wait a minute, sir," said the shepherd. "How about another bet? If I guess your profession, you'll give me back the sheep. If I don't, you can have a second one."

The accountant agreed to the wager and the shepherd said, "You're an accountant."

"That's amazing! You're right. But how did you guess?" wondered the accountant.

"Give me back my dog, and I'll tell you."

Butcher's Bet

A man steps into a butcher shop and asks the butcher, "Are you a gamblin' man?"

To which the butcher replies, "Yes."

The man then says, "I'll bet you $10 that you cannot reach up and touch that meat hanging on those hooks up there."

"I am not betting on that" responds the butcher.

"But you just said you were a gambling man" the man snaps back.

"True," replies the butcher. "Only the steaks are too high."

Lucky Nun

Some nuns at a convent were glad to discover that an anonymous donor had left their modest estate to them.

Each nun inherited fifty dollars in cash to give away as she pleased.

Mary Margaret decided to donate her share to the first poor person she spotted.

Looking out the window and noticed a poor-looking man across the road.

Mary Margaret immediately ran outside and approached the man who had clearly known better days. She pressed the fifty dollars into his hands and whispered, "Godspeed, my good man."

As she walked away, he called out to her, "What's your name?"

"Sister Mary Margaret" she replied.

The following night the man showed up at the convent and rang the doorbell. "May I see Sister Mary Margaret?" he asked.

To which the nun at the door replied, "I am sorry, she's in the chapel so I can't disturb her at this time. Perhaps I can give her a message?"

"Sure!" said the man cheerfully. "Give her this $200 and tell her Godspeed came in second in the horse race."

Terrifying Bus Ride

Two groups chartered a double-decker bus to visit the casinos in Atlantic City, one group was all blondes and the other was a group from the retirement home. The retirement home group rides on the bottom of the bus. The blonde group rides on the top level.

Soon their journey begins and bottom group is whooping it up having a great time, when one of them realizes he doesn't hear anything from the blondes upstairs.

Being a fine gentleman, he decides to get up and investigate. When he reaches the top, he finds all the blondes frozen in fear, staring straight-ahead at the road, and clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles. He says, "What the heck's going on up here?" We're having a great time downstairs!" One of the Blondes looks up and says, "YEAH, BUT YOU'VE GOT A DRIVER!"